DeathIncarnate15

You know that feeling you get when something you like, something that was a major part of your childhood, gets completely and utterly ruined? When something you have been a fan of since you were a small child is fucked up beyond salvaging? If the title didn't give it away, that opening should tell you what I think of this steaming pile of horse bantha shit. This movie was utterly disappointing, and that's coming from somebody who had low expectations (not low enough, evidently) walking in. Utter shit is what it was, with a few good parts thrown in. If you don't want spoilers, leave now, because I am going to write out the entire plot eventually.

So, let's begin with the good. Characters from The Force Awakens are improved. Rey is actually tolerable (though still a Ma-Rey Sue, pun obviously intended), Finn and Poe get more character development (though still might as well be background characters), and we finally get to the end of Kylo's "fall to the dark side" arc (though he's still a massive fucking emo). Hamill's reprisal of his role as Luke Skywalker was just as good as it was in the original films, which I was afraid it wouldn't be. It looked good, visually speaking. Luke's death scene was a brilliant (if cliched) throwback to his introduction in A New Hope, with him staring into the twin sunsets one last time as he fades away, becoming one with the Force (though the death itself was bullshit). And then there's a brilliant scene with the Vice-Admiral who's name I never bothered to learn (we'll call her Bitchface McGee), where she activates the hyperdrive, sending the ship straight through a First Order fleet, crippling it in the process. Oh, and also, no more J.J. Abrams, the piece of shit who's too concerned with pushing his political ideology than he is with making a good movie. Because that's the best way to make a piece of fiction, obviously.

As for the bad, let's just take our time with that, because there's that much, I'd need to see it again to cover everything I've forgotten. First, the new characters are absolute shit. The thief/codebreaker who's name I don't think was ever mentioned had nothing to him besides "I'm a thief/hacker with ties to the First Order," and nothing else. Vice-Admiral Bitchface was, as her name suggests, a bitch who couldn't even explain anything to her own soldiers. Now, I'm no military man, but I know some of my watchers are, or at least know people who are, so if you could answer a question for me, please tell me this. You are a high-ranking commanding officer. Your entire fleet/regiment/battalion/whatever is about to be annihilated by an enemy force. One of your subordinates comes up to you and asks "what's our plan, sir/mam/*insert rank here*?" There's been no security leaks recently. Do you A) tell him your plan, so he knows what you plan to do to save your entire force from death or capture or B) emasculate him in front of everyone for daring to ask how you would save them all? And as for the Space-Asian pipe-cleaner, I'll have to defer to one of the hated men of the internet, Sargon of Akkad, as he outlines the problem with her clearly. "The Diversity Hire [pipe cleaner] is the most forced character I've ever seen, devoid of any personality except 'I'm an oppressed wahmyn and I want to be a hero.' She unloads what little of her character exists onto Token [Finn] without asking, who literally doesn't give a shit, but she acts like she's the most important character in the film and bores the tits off of everyone around her."

My next big problem was the complete rehash of not just Empire Strikes Back, but also Return of the Jedi. This was also my biggest problem with The Force Awakens, but it was somehow, I don't even know how, done worse this time around. The main hero who is also a Jedi is getting taught the ways of the Force by an ancient Jedi master who was around for the trilogy that chronologically happened previously. The rebels get attacked by AT-ATs on an ice (salt, apparently, probably from pissed off fans) planet. That's the stuff ripped from Empire. We've got quite literally the worst thing amongst the RotJ repeats, something that is helping to make me forget any other problems I had with the movie. That is the death of the main villain. Snoke is killed in this film by Ren, who uses the Force to make Luke's lightsaber, which is sitting next to Snoke, stab him in the side, then cut him in half. Now, this isn't bad on its own, although the death itself was underwhelming, especially compared to the death of Palpatine in Episode 6 or even the duel between Obi-wan and Anakin in Episode 3. The problem is because the main villain is dead before the end of the trilogy. The only time a villain should die in a movie is if that's the end of the series. There are exceptions, but they always have reasons, such as a new storyline in the next movie or signs pointing to the new villain taking over. There are no signs in TLJ that points to Kylo Ren taking over, yet ht he kills Snoke and takes control of the First Order. Now, there are signs he is going to kill Snoke, but they're all pointing towards a redemption story, similar to Vader at the end of Episode 6, not taking over and becoming the new leader of the restored Empire. There's more of these, but I want to keep this to one paragraph per point, and my rant on Snoke's death went beyond that. Also Ewoks 2.0 in the form of Porgs, except the Ewoks had a reason to be there. Porgs are just thrown in randomly because "lel, alien penguinz iz so coot!" They're literally just there to sell merchandise, and are forced into the story at parts where they have no reason to appear, with no explanation for why they're there. "Chewie doesn't like these things. So wouldn't it be funny if they were in the Falcon's cockpit with him?" Native wildlife on some unnamed world that somehow gets as much screen time as one of the two most hated sentient species in the entire Star Wars saga, and it's the same one they were created as a rehash of. Shit, even the Gungans weren't that bad, and they were the worst thing about the prequels.

Anyway, now for the story itself. And what a shitshow the plot of this film is. Right after Episode 7, the First Order is attacking a Resistance base. Poe flies up, channels his inner Iron Man for the most out-of-place taunting in any Star Wars story (game, book, show or film), which includes "your mum"jokes, then blows up all the turrets on a Dreadnought (basically an Super Star Destroyer, only slightly smaller), allowing a bombing run to fly in and save the fleet, who warp out of there immediately. So far so good, except for the taunting. Cut to Rey, who hands Luke his lightsaber, which he... throws over his shoulder into the vast, planet-spanning ocean. Well, great way to turn things around, but maybe it'll get better. Back to the ship, the First Order somehow manages to track the Resistance through hyperspace, and they are attacked by the full fleet. The bridge explodes, killing everyone in there (including the somehow still alive Admiral Ackbar), except for Leia, who is sucked into space, but then uses the Force to drag herself back into the ship. I'll explain my problem with this later on, but for now, we cut to Rey, who is being taught by Luke the ways of the Force, and just like the last movie, she's already an expert, because of course she is. Back on the ship, some old woman announces that Bitchface is in charge until Leia wakes up from her little nap. Poe asks VA what their plan is to escape the First Order, since they haven't got enough fuel to run away, and they can be tracked if they try to hyperspace. VA takes the opportunity to emasculate him in front of the entire bridge crew. During all this, the fleet is slowly drifting away, just out of range of the First Order's guns. Finn, meanwhile, tries to escape, but is caught by Diversity Hire, who proceeds to fangirl about how she gets to meet the hero of the Resistance, then she notices his bag of crap in one of the escape pods and, doing her best impression of a cop days before a BLM "rally," tasers the black guy. When he wakes up, some exposition happens, before they come up with a plan to stop the First Order from tracking them.

Finn and Diversity Hire head to a rich casino world, which is just one massive complaint that requires a paragraph of it's own. Whilst here, they are arrested and thrown into a cell with a thief who just so happens to not only be the thing they're looking for (an expert codebreaker), but also has his own problems with the First Order. Codebreaker helps them escape, because he's somehow got a keycard for their cell, then the two of them split off from him, because they can't take just any codebreaker. Codebreaker and BB-8 escape off-scene in some rich arsehole's personal ship, whilst Finn and Diversity Hire steal some kind of alien lizard-horse and ride off into the night, only to end up trapped on a cliff. Codebreaker flies in, rescues them, then they all fly off. Meanwhile, Rey has a talk with Kylo Ren... half way across the galaxy. This same telepathic conversation occurs multiple times, eventually leading her to the discovery that Kylo was a good boy who dindu nuffin, and that Luke tried to kill him first. So she fights Luke, defeats him (because of course she does), then tells him that she can change Ren despite Luke having given up on him (because of course she can). Luke goes off to some ancient tree that holds the ancient Jedi texts, when suddenly force-ghost Yoda appears to talk some sense into him, before screaming OLOYD (Only Live Once, You Do) and burning the tree down with a lightning strike. But it's okay, because Rey already knows all she needs to, and besides, those books were boring anyway.

Returning to the fleet, Poe gets emasculated, again, when he demands VA tell them what their plan is, since two of the remaining three ships in the fleet have already been destroyed. On the positive, she finally tells him what they're doing - evacuating the corvette and taking shelter on a nearby planet. Poe leads his own little mutiny, which is successful, up until Leia wakes up and decides "hey, that vice-admiral was actually pretty smart. Let's go fuck up Poe's plan." Which she does. Leia and the VA have one last moment together, before Leia jumps on one of the transports, leaving Bitchface to do the one good thing she's done in the entire film - go down with the ship and finally die an explosive death. The Millenium Falcon shows up, and launches Rey into the Supremacy, before hitting the hyperspace and getting out of there. Rey is captured by Ren and taken to Snoke, who steals Luke's lightsaber from her, throws her around like a ragdoll, then starts his villainous monologuing. Whilst he is doing this, Kylo gets ready to kill Rey, but what he's really doing is using the Force to turn her lightsaber towards Snoke, then activate it, cutting the First Order's Supreme Leader in half. Kylo and Rey (KyRey, as I'm guessing the 'shippers' will call them) then fight Snoke's personal guard, before Kylo tries to get Rey to join him and rule the galaxy. Rey says "fuck you" and the two of them have a force struggle over Luke's lightsaber, which ends with the whole room on fire, both of them knocked out and Luke's lightsaber broken in half. Rey then escapes off-camera on Snoke's personal shuttle.

Whilst all that with Rey and Ren is going down, Finn and friends sneak on board to disable the hyperspace trackers that the First Order is using. Everything seems to be going good, until Brienne of Tarth Vader (Captain Phasma) captures them. On the shuttle, Poe wakes up, and is somehow convinced that VA's plan was fool-proof, but as always, when something is fool-proof, the universe spawns a bigger fool. Codebreaker is allowed to go free, because he sold out the Resistance, letting the First Order know about the transports that he somehow knew about. First Order fires on the transports. VA sees this and decides to do her only redeeming thing in the movie, activate the hyperdrive and fly straight into the First Order fleet, destroying most of the star destroyers and crippling the Supremacy. By doing this, she also ruin's Finn's execution, allowing BB-8 to commandeer an AT-ST, which in turn allows Finn and Diversity Hire to fight their way out, kill Brienne and escape on their own shuttle. Ren becomes the new Supreme Leader and orders a full assault on the planet below, a planet made entirely of salt, which (to quote Sargon a second time) is presumably from the tears of anyone who used to give a damn about this franchise.

The attack involves AT-ATs, just like Hoth, as well as upgraded AT-ATs that are larger than normal but otherwise the same, and a cannon that uses the same weapon as the Death Star, because of course it does. The battle goes terribly, until Finn decides that he can save everyone if he rams the cannon, obviously killing himself in the process. But, as can be expected, Diversity Hire saves his life, ruins his sacrifice and gets the only entrance to the base blasted open, before proceeding to declare her undying love for Finn and almost die in his arms. Somehow, he manages to run all the way back to the base, without getting his arse blasted half-way across the salt plain, with Diversity Hire's near-lifeless corpse in his arms. Inside the base, the Resistance finally realises that they have no allies left and are doomed to die, when suddenly Luke ex Machina shows up. He goes out alone to face the entire First Order army, gets blasted by multiple AT-ATs, survives, then duels Kylo Ren, where it is finally revealed that he is actually an illusion, and the real Luke is still on the planet he's been on the entire movie, projecting a Force hologram half-way across the galaxy. While this is happening, the rest of the Resistance finds out that there's another exit, but it turns out to be blocked. However, just as Luke ex Machina came to save them from the First Order, so too does Rey ex Machina come to lift the boulders out of the way with her amazing Force powers. Ren gets pissy and the remnants of the Resistance, who are all packed on to the Millennium Falcon, escape and declare themselves "the last hope for the galaxy," despite the fact that the last movie confirmed that the Galactic Republic is doing well at this stage, and could probably wipe out the First Order if they got off their collective arses and did something. It's also revealed that the Jedi texts Luke thought were burnt to a crisp were actually stolen by Rey and stored on the Falcon, but with how little attention is put towards this (literally less than a minute of Finn throwing a sheet over them), you'd be forgiven for thinking the same as Luke, that they are gone for good.

Now let's go through a couple of personal gripes I had with two particular scenes. First, Leia's space flight. In the old movies, it was confirmed that Leia had the potential to be a powerful Jedi, if she were to be trained. This, same as with Luke, is due to her father being one of the most powerful Force users in the Star Wars universe. Unlike in the old EU books that reveal the true post-RotJ, it is never even considered that she might be trained in the Force, and to our knowledge, she isn't. However, like Rey, she can pull off feats that require the Force without any form of training. Not only that, but what she did do is impossible, with or without the Force. She was in space, no protection, no source of oxygen, and not only did she survive, but she pulled herself back onto the ship without a problem. Now, I'm going to make a suggestion I've heard repeated in other places on how this scene could work. She uses the Force to form a protective barrier, keeping herself on the ship, as well as any bridge crew near her, then passes out from the strain of keeping that barrier up. It allows them to kick her out of the movie for half of it, like they wanted, whilst simultaneous not being complete pants-on-head retarded. Option B was to have that be her death, which would work better when you consider that she's still alive at the end of the film, despite her actor, Carey Fisher, having passed away during filming (luckily for them, after all her scenes were completed). But no. Instead, we get Leia breaking not only scientific laws (the brain can't survive without oxygen for how long she was out there), but also the internal consistency of the Star Wars universe.

Now then, let's get to the casino world. What can I say about this scene, without sounding like I'm going on a political rant? The alien designs were everything people hate about the prequels. That's it. That's all I can say without diving into politics. The entire scene is a heavy-handed political rant about how evil Capitalism is, in a film that has historical been apolitical. The entire scene is just Diversity Hire bitching about how evil the people there are, because they worked for their money, using idiots on the Right (First Order) as targets of their preferred trading partners when it comes to weapons and betting on lizard-horse races. It comes as a shock to her when Codebreaker tells her that there are idiots on the Left (Resistance) who also buy weapons from those evil capitalists. But that's okay, because he joins with the Space Nazis, so what does he know? This stupid bitch is complaining about how "ya'll motherfuckers need communism," in a movie where communism and capitalism are never even considered, let alone brought up, because, and this will surprise some people, real world politics have no place in fiction.

I could go on with more problems, but since it's been a couple of days, that would mean rewatching this dumpster fire, so instead, let's finish with the main theme of the film. Letting the past die, and sometimes killing it yourself. That's what this movie is. It's killing the past, so they can sell merchandise to a new generation of children, who have no idea what they're watching, but it looks good. It's almost like watching Michael Bay, but at least you can enjoy the explosions in that. In this, you don't even have that small luxury. The film constantly brings this up, as a way of not so subtly saying to the fans "Fuck Luke Skywalker, fuck Princess Leia, fuck Han Solo, fuck Darth Vader, only Rey and co. matter." Well, let me tell you something, readers. I've been a Star Wars fan since I was old enough to walk. I grew up with these characters. This franchise is a major part of my childhood. There was a story a few years ago where the lead artist for Bioshock Infinite pleaded with fans to stop with the Elizabeth porn, because for him, that was the equivalent of porn of his own daughter. That's how I feel about this movie. It is insulting to me, and between Jar Jar Abrams and the forced diversity, where token characters are lauded as heroes of their race/gender/whatever, despite being token characters, and the only characters with any development are the ones you're supposed to hate (coincidentally, all white males), I've given up on Star Wars. This is not the galaxy far far away that I grew up with. This is some sick corporate bastardisation from a bunch of neo-Marxist arseholes who only see it as a way to push their ideology, as that casino scene fucking well proved.

So once again, Star Wars is dead. Disney killed it, buried it, then decided to dig it up just so they could desecrate the corpse. If you really want to watch this movie, take my advice and pirate it. Don't give Disney a cent, because it is a waste of your money and just encourages them to make more shit.

As it says in the tin. Happy new year to all, and if I may, a quick talk about what's coming up in the future.

First, tomorrow will see the uploading of my first review of something in one or two years. I recently saw The Last Jedi, and it seems fitting that I join the hordes shitting on that dumpster fire of heavy-handed politics and shitty characters for what it is. Would be up today, but like the last few, it's going to be in journal form, and I'd rather not put up two journals a day unless necessary.

Second, the first of the Elder Scrolls tales is close to finished. Put them on the back burner over Christmas, but I'm back to work on them. Speaking of which, if you remember the last time I mentioned them, you'll recall I said I had two out of four. Funny story, turns out I'm shit at any kind of romantic sub-plot (who knew?) and the character in story 2 has that as part of her backstory. Oh well, back to the drawing board. Besides, that one came out shit anyways.

Third, I've got majority of the background info for the WW2 aftermath scenario set up. Like I said last time, I need some help with four of the smaller countries history, Slovakia, Mongolia, Croatia and Yugoslavia. However, besides those few, the Axis, ComIntern and history from 1940-1947 is practically finished.

Merry Christmas to all of you.

Just a quick update, nothing much. First of all, background stories for two of the four characters for the ES series I'll be working on are nearly complete, just a few minor changes and the title for one of them, then they're finished. Second, the background information is almost done for both the Axis and the ComIntern for the WW2 series. In that regard, if anyone has a good idea of Croatian, Yugoslavian, Mongolian and Slovakian history during WW2, please feel free to contact me. Internet can only give you so much, and it's getting harder to find information for these four, especially Mongolia and Slovakia. Third, the first bit of history is almost done for the setting. This will be documenting the events from the 1940 US election to the end of the Sino-Japanese War, in 1947. Part 2 will handle the information of this alternate timeline's own Cold War, and both sets will be uploaded alongside maps showing the borders of the world at the end of those periods. In that regard, I'm in need of a sort of interactive map of the world, which I can use to build the borders. Right now, I'm using the game Hearts of Iron 4, as it is the best I can get, but if anyone knows something better, feel free to speak up.

That's all for now. Have a good whatever it is in your area.

So, as the name suggests, I'm gonna try to make a return to this site. I want to try and get back into the shit I used to do. So, with that out of the way, let me explain what's going to happen. I'll be doing my own stuff for the majority, at least until I get into a rhythm. I don't want to put aside certain things (Geosidar, mainly), but I want to work on my own things for the time being.

As for what I've got planned, the main two will be related to the Elder Scrolls and WW2. Whether they actually are uploaded or I go on another overly long hiatus is another thing. Anyway, the Elder Scrolls thing will be different from the previous one I did. Whilst the previous ES tale was the journals of the Nerevarine and was based entirely on Morrowind, this will be set during the 4th Era, and will follow four separate characters. Each character will have their own motivations, and most storylines will not be focused on the main story from the game set in this time period. Downside is this will be based around Skyrim, but it also will be for the most part an original tale set in the land of Tamriel. More information on the four characters will show up in the future.

For the WW2 thing, I'll be doing something many people have seen before - a "what if" scenario for the Nazis winning the war. I intend to keep this as close to reality as possible, so you won't have a situation where the entire world is speaking German and a small group of rebels are fighting back, being led by the Doomguy's cousin, or a US split between Germany and Japan. At the same time, the world will be influenced both by historical facts and multiple alternate history scenarios in fiction, including Man in the High Castle, Wolfenstein and Kaiserreich. I'll provide journals with proper detail at a later date, but to sum it up, the Axis controls the European mainland, with Poland being in the same position Germany was in during the actual Cold War. Russia will be leading the Third Communist International, which will include Finland, Northwest China, Mongolia and Persia. Japan will have an "Eastern Axis" - the Greater East Asia Co-Prosperity Sphere - which will include the rest of China, India and Indochina. And instead of the Allies, we have the Coalition of Great Britain and the United States, which includes the remaining Commonwealth countries, the Americans and Algeria, as well as Italian nobles that historically rebelled against Mussolini during the end years of the war, set up in Naples and Sicily. As an added note, I find the idea of "trigger warnings" to be idiotic, so consider this the closest you're gonna get. If I do something with this, my Nazis are gonna refer to Jews as "untermensch," my commies are gonna consider Germans to be animals, and slurs of all kinds will be dropped by any character that harbours specific prejudices. Don't be surprised if you read something that offends you. It was probably meant to offend.

As for anything else, that's pretty much it. Might be the occasional one-off based on some other fictional setting or my own mind, might be a rant about something that's pissed me off. Hell, might even share some of my more unpopular opinions, just to see who's sane and who's a special little snowflake that thinks anything they don't agree with is hate speech.

Gute nacht, mein freunde. And may our mighty God-Emperor guide you to glory.